How to be Stupid





Want to learn how to be stupid? Congratulations, you're in the right place!
I don't know why anybody would want to be stupider.
Exactly. It's stupid.
Umm...
Look, I don't know either. Let's talk about who the stupidest Adept is. Garet?
I think Agatio's a good contender against Garet when it comes to stupidity.
I shouldn't say so, but you're right, Sis!
Hey! My feelings!
SHUT UP, AGATIO!
Youre mean.
It's my section so I'll say whatever I want.
Oh yeah?
No fighting. Let the reader, uh... I dunno, read this stupid list?
I really don't get it at all.
 

1. Get an electric heater and jump in the bath while it's plugged in. Oh, and make sure there's water in the bath. Except this could result in death, so do this last of all.

2. Scream "I'M SUPERMAN!" and jump off the Empire State Building or the Leaning Tower of Pizza.

3. Go up to a really huge guy who's bigger and stronger than you and tell him his mother's belt size is the equator.

4. Try to rule the world. Difficult, but with practice you should wind up just like Alex.

5. Dance the Macarena on a tightrope.

6. Dance the Can-can. Commando. While wearing a skirt or kilt.

7. Call Pisa Pizza... hang on, we just did that...

8. Steal Alex's hairgel. Raging Mercury Adept out for your blood guaranteed.

9. If you're a guy, flirt with Jenna. You'll have an angry Venus Adept after you.

10. Call Ivan a midget.

11. Mention Alex to Mia. She is prone to fits of rage when she hears his name.

12. Act as if you are a friend of Isaac somehow. All his enemies will come after you. Or at least Felix and co say that happened to them. Once. Only three guys.

13. Travel with Isaac. You'll attract other enemies. Like the Colosso warriors.

14. Go back in time and kill your ancestors. You'll cause a beautiful paradox.

15. Send someone back in time to look after your mother/father ala Terminator. They will probably wind up as your parent.

16. Wear red and try and hug a bull.

17. Throw a computer in the sea.

18. Call Picard/Piers Captain Picard.

19. Call Felix "Felix the Cat"

20. Steal Garet's food.

21. Call Felix "He Licks" (He's got a wonderful name, hasn't he?)

22. Swallow a whole banana at once.

23. Shove a fork in a plug socket.

24. Go up to a diehard Tolkien fan and say that the second LotR movie was faithful to the book. You might get a sound beating.

25. Call the Wise One a big ball of rock and hit him with a stick. He might attack you, but then again he's a good guy so he might not...

26. Talk to Kraden. You'll die of boredom when he starts talking too much.

27. Wear a neon flashy annoying ring on your finger. If told to take it off, hiss "My precioussssss!" and refuse to remove it, Bite them if necessary.

28. Call the Alec Goblins (the ones near Champa and Yallam) Alec Goblins. They will get very mad because they are supposed to be Angry Goblins. Bad translation. And it just made the Angry Goblins Even Angrier Goblins.

29. Call Vermin Marill. It will be cross.

30. Eat one of those mushroom monsters.

31. Go to a high place above a fan with a Grenade Launcher and shoot a grenade at the fan. Make sure the fan is on.

32. Leap off a cliff screaming "I believe I can flyyyyy!"

33. Call 999 and say "Hey, crazed sex monkey here. Urgent situation. Need to have sex immediately. Or I'll die. Honest."

34. Get the cannon and the Magma Ball, and destroy cities.

35. Jump down Gaia Falls.

36. Go up to Mia when she's holding a mace and mention Shakespeare.

 

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