Torture: Badfic


Quietly now...
Look at him, powdering his face, completely unaware...
Why does he powder his face anyway?
Beats the heck out of me.
And all that hairgel he uses... disgusting...
Have you seen all that shampoo he has? Awful.
What a freak.
I can't wait to torture him already.

Now for some lip gloss to emphasise my beautiful lips and- *sack is thrown over head* YIKES! *beaten unconscious*

*Some Time Later*

Oog... my head... hurts...
Oh goody. You are awake.
Are you ready for your torture, Alex?
Not really...
Too bad. We brought in a special guest today.
Yes. A fanbrat with a badfic she really wants to read to you.
Please... no...

May I say I object to this?
Why do you hate this site so much?!
First the hobo, now a fanbrat?
What are you doing in the torture chamber? People want to see Alex being tortured!
By that thing?
Maybe you should torture Alex by making him look at your bad sprite edits.
Unless you all wish to be tortured, I suggest you leave.
Um... yeah... let's do that...
Um... no.

Let's leave Alex with his new friend now.
Have "fun", Alex.

Great. I'm all alone with some fourteen year old fanbrat...
Who the hell are you?
My name is Britney but I go on the Internet as alexsbaby4eva!
... *hisses* I want to die already...
I totally had this awesome dream last night. Like, it was about you, and you were naked and-
That's ENOUGH.
^_^ Anyway, those evil Proxian people-
Wait, you think Proxians are evil?
Yeah. ^_^ But you aren't.
I would like you to meet a friend of mine. His name is logic.
Logic? Is he one of your gay lovers? Do you have buttsex? Who tops?!
... ... ...
Ooh, is it a hawt secret?! Anyway, they said to read you a fanfic! So here it is! My Golden Sun Fanfic by alexsbaby4eva!


Britney stomped up to her room, feeling quite anoyed. Her mean mother had just told her to tidy her room! OMG! Why was her mother so mean?! When Britney got to her room, she saw a glowing portal.

"A glowing portal!" cried Britney. She promptly jumped through the portal and was teleported to a very familiar looking world! Somehow she was in Weyard!

"Omigosh!" said Britney. "I'm in Weyard!"

Suddenly, a blue-haired man appeared! It was Alex! He walked up to Britney and gazed into her blue eyes, bluer then the ocean, and said, "I have been waiting for you." Britney gasped and fainted at his feet.

When Britney awoke, she was in a soft and comfy bed. She sat up in confusion. "Where am I?"

"You are in my room," said Alex. "Welcome to Weyard, Princess."

"Huh?" Britney was confused.

"You are not from Earth," said Alex. "You are actually the crown Princess of Lemuria. You were destined to return on this day. The Lemurians sent you to Earth, to protect you from the Senate, who wanted to claim your life."

"Wait, wait," cried Britney in shock. "Are you saying I am the daughter of King Hydros?"

Enough! *blood pouring out of ears*

"Yes," replied Alex, nodding his head in a sagely manner. His beautiful blue eyes glittered and he leaned back, throwing back his beautiful glistening hair the colour of the sky. "You are Princess Amber Destiny Giselle, the only child of King Hydros of Lemuria. Finally, you have returned to Weyard and your destiny awaits you."

"M-my destiny?" Britney stuttered.

Alex got up and held a pendant, which he put around Britney's neck. Suddenly, she transformed. Her hair became a beautiful sun-kissed shade of blue, cascading in soft waves down her back. Her eyes became smokey emerald. Her plain face became beautiful. Her jeans and t-shirt changed to a long, flowing gown with ruffles. It was purple.

"Oh, wow!" Britney jumped to her feet. "This is so sugoi!"

"You are as beautiful as I imagined, my hime," said Alex.

Wait! What's a sugoi? Is hime some creepy pet name?
I decided to put in Japanese words to make it even COOLER!!!1
... *sobs* *blood spurts from ears*

"There is something I have not told you yet," Alex said, clasping her hands in his.

"Nani?" asked Britney.

"When you were born, it was decided you would be married to a member of the Mercury Clan from Imil," said Alex.

"Iya da!" cried Britney in surprise. "You mean we're going to marry each other?"

"Hai," replied Alex. "We will marry right now. Too long have I waited to marry you, my koi."

That's carp, damn it! CARP!!! *blood is now gushing in identical waterfalls from ears*

"I can't wait to marry you, Alex-chan!" cried Britney, her emerald eyes glittering.

So Britney and Alex went outside to where a wedding marquee was waiting for them. Everybody in the game was present at the wedding except the people of Lemuria (except Piers, who was there) so Britney and Alex got married and everyone cheered for them.

"Alex, can I ever go to Lemuria?" Britney asked as she passionately kissed her husband in bed.

"Ie. I'm afraid not," said Alex in a regretful tone, cuddling up to her. He was sweaty from their hawt secks and feeling quite tired, but gazing into Britney's beautiful emerald eyes always re-energised him. "As long as the Senate still lives, you can never return home."

"Why does the Senate want to kill me?" Britney asked.

"Because you are royalty. The Senate is plotting to take over Lemuria and may kill your father to seize power. You are seen as a threat to them," said Alex. "I could not bear to see you die. Onegai, do not return to Lemuria."

"Okay," sighed Britney.

Little did they know, the Senate knew of her return and was on their way over right now to kill her!

"HA HA HA." yelled Conservato, jumping through the window when Alex and Britney were eating their breakfast together. "We have come to kill you, Princess Amber Destiny Giselle!"

Britney screamed. Alex stood in front of her protectively as the entire Senate jumped through the window and surrounded them. He warped out with her and they ran for it as the Senate of Lemuria gave chase, trying to kill the Princess!

"Onegai, go on ahead!" Alex pushed her away. "I will fight them alone!"

"Ie!" Britney protested, her eyes sparkling with tears. "But... ai shiteru, Alex-chan..."

"Just go!" Alex said, waving his sword and staring at the Senate as they came even closer.

Britney sobbed and ran away as Alex began to fight bravely against the Senate. He managed to take almost all of them down except Conservato. Then a sword plunged through his gut. Conservato laughed mockingly and walked away, leaving Alex in a pool of blood.

Britney ran sobbing and came to a stop, when she realised she was surrounded by Proxians. "ONOZ!" she screamed, as the evil red-eyed pointy-eared freaks advanced on her, laughing maniacally.

GAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! *dies of blood loss*

The evil Proxians carried the terrified Britney-

That's ENOUGH!
Alex is quite dead now.
But I must read the rest of it to my dear Alex-chan!!! He loves it!!! SQUEE!
Wow. I have seen true stupidity.
She thinks we're evil and Alex is not? What's wrong with her?!
Who cares? Just kill the filthy thing.
*decapitates fanbrat with sickle* Good riddance.
What a nightmare.
At least Alex suffered. He looks good in red, doesn't he?


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