Guys, I've decided to write a fanfic. I've been inspired by pieces of works around this thing called the "Internet" and now I want to put my creative juices to good use. Please read my fic! It's underneath the cut because it has sex in it, so Ivan and Sheba, STAY AWAY FROM IT. If I catch you reading, I'll make you pay. Don't get me into trouble.

This isn't proof-read, sorry. I'm too lazy.

title: lots of hot loving
rating: nc-17
warning: sex
pairing: garet(that's me!)/jenna


(Okay, this isn't really a cut. It's a link.)




... ... ... ... GARET! YOU ARE DEAD!!!
Didn't you like it? D=
HELL, NO! Whatever possessed you to think I would like a story about us screwing?! What's WRONG with you?!
But... I thought it was good...
Good?! It's the most disgusting, pathetic and perverted piece of work ever!
You've just described a hell of a lot of NC-17 fanfiction then.
... ... ... I don't CARE if other people write stuff like that! The fact is, you write about getting it on with me! Are you NUTS?!
Ok, let's pretend the guy is some random guy named Bob and the girl is named Bobbina. What do you think of it now?
Who the hell is called Bobbina?!
I asked for your thoughts. What was the writing like?
You really want my honest opinion, Garet?
Yes, please.
It's the worst piece of shit I've ever read in my life!
... Then could you give me some tips?
The only tip I have is this: DIE IN A FIRE!!!
That's pretty ironic, considering I'm a Fire Adept.
Clearly, you are not getting my message.
No, I get it clear enough. You want me to die. But what does that have to do with my writing?
I don't even know where to start, so I think I'm going to cause you serious pain instead.
But... couldn't I just have the tips?

*kicks Garet in the nuts.*


*whacks Garet in nuts with baseball bat*

... ...

*slams wrecking ball into Garet's nuts*

Oh... holy crap... the pain... *passes out*
*stares at Garet's body* Well, with any luck, he won't be able to walk for a few years. Oh, yeah, just in case. *breaks Garet's fingers with metal bar*
*throws Garet's body in ditch and walks away*

*some time later*

Oh, there's Garet lying half-dead in a ditch. How strange. *heals him with Pure Ply*
Mia! You saved me!!! ;_; *glomps*
What happened?
Jenna beat me to near death before tossing me in a ditch! ;_____;
Oh... but why did she do that? o_O
Because of the fic I just wrote. Here, have a look.
... ... ... ... ... ... *whacks Garet unconscious with mace and walks away*

MY EYES!!! MY FREAKING EYES!!! They burn!!!
Hey, I did warn of the sex... oh wait. You. Read it?
GAH!!! *chugs entire bottle of bleach and pours even more over eyes*
Um... that's not really good for you...
*twitches* ... *twitches again* AIFEHDNDKDSOSFDSAAAAAA!!!!! *has a seizure*
... What should I do? Oh, I know! *dumps bucket of freezing cold water over Felix*
Aaaaaahhhhhh!!! *shivers* What the hell is WRONG with you?! Wait, what just happened?
You read a smut fic I wrote about me screwing Jenna then had a seizure.
... I am going to kill you. Slowly and painfully.
But... I'm being creative! Anyway, it's not like we really did it!
*death glare, starts sharpening sword on rock*
Aw, crud. *starts running* HELP MEEEEE!!!!
Get back here! *chases and casts Odyssey*
Wah! That hurts! *tries climbing up tree and falls* Ow!
*starts hitting with Djinn*
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! It hurts enough now! I won't do it again!
X_____X *is nearly dead*
*readies Sol Blade*
Uh... Felix, I think you can stop now. o_o'
He wrote about having sex with my sister!
That's still no excuse to kill him. Will you please calm down?
Can't I just hit him with one little Megiddo?
No! Good grief... You still awake, Garet?
Good. Now properly apologise to Felix for what you've done.
He's just pissed off because he was stupid enough to read it! There's a warning right above!
I. Said. Apologise.
I don't want an apology! I want him dead and the memory of that awful fic erased from my brain!
You two are acting really immature.
I'll write whatever I damn well want!
Oh, yeah? Just try and stop me!
Um, Garet? Didn't he just KICK YOUR ASS?!
Oh, yeah... please don't kill me!!! ;_;
You are NOT going to write such filth about Jenna again! Do you hear me? In fact, don't include any of us in such things! I don't care what you do with yourself, just don't involve anyone else especially without permission!
Is that clear enough, Garet?
... Fine. ._. Sheesh...
Good. Glad we got all that sorted out.
Indeed. Hopefully he won't be foolish enough to try again.

Garet. Garet. Garet. *headshakes* No. Just... no.
What's wrong with it?
Writing about yourself screwing one of your closest friends? Isn't that just a bit weird?
How is it so different to actually doing it?
Are you even in a sexual relationship with Jenna?
... ... No. But I wish I was.
Oh, boy. Okay, that's wrong. It makes it even worse. It's one thing to fantasize about it. It's another thing altogether to write it down and show it off!
So, what did you think of the fic?
Honestly? It's badly written and just AWFUL. You should just give up.
._. But I like writing.
Then... I dunno... GET HELP. I'm not even going to bother helping. *leaves*
Meanie. ;_;

Okay. First of all, SPELLING. PLEASE use a spell checker! There is no excuse for not using one!
You're actually not going to yell at me about the content?
You seem to have suffered already and anyway, I'm a pacifist. Okay, so check your spelling. Always. It's terrible.
Ok. I was kind of in a hurry to get it up so-
I said, NO. EXCUSE. And another thing, your euphemisms. Dear Iris... v_v;;;
What's a euphemism?
The words you use for... certain bits. They are... just awful. Please use some more socially acceptable ones.
You mean, what most people use in fics? I wanted to be a little more unique.
Well, don't. Sometimes, being unique is a BAD thing.
I see... ._. Anything else?
The sex happens too fast. Can't you at least have a little more dialogue before it happens? You just seem lazy. Also, be a bit more descriptive and don't have several actions going on in one paragraph. Space it out.
So, basically, I should be more detailed and stuff? And not rush it?
Yes, exactly. And author's notes right in the middle of the fic? Annoying. It disrupts the flow of the story.
Ok, I won't do that then.
Oh, and one more thing.
Hm? What?
Don't write about getting it on with someone you know in real life who isn't even your lover. You FREAK.


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