Mars Lighthouse


Looks like we're finally at the Mars Lighthouse Aerie...
BETRAYERS!!! You have arrived!!!
Waaaaaaaauuuuuuugh! *has heart attack and seizure, collapses*
Oh, it's that lying scum of a one-eyed rock who told us we were supposedly saving the world by preventing Alchemy's unleashing.
Wh-what did you say?! I expressly said lighting the lighthouses would lead to the world's destruction!
Yeah, and you lied to us, you jerk!
Uh... a talking one-eyed rock? ... I'm not tripping, am I?
Maybe we shouldn't have eaten that weird stuff we found stashed away in that closet in those bags.
Y-you found my secret drug stash?!
Oh, they were drugs? I thought they were brown sugar or something.
Except eating brown sugar has never felt as good. Man, I thought that talking dog with the red eyes was weird...
But this... we're talking to a one-eyed rock!
... Are they completely unaware we can see the rock too?
I'm... dying... save...... me....... ple..... *faints*
Wow, look at that! The Wise One managed to shut KRADEN up!
Felix, why don't you hurry up and light the lighthouse? That rock scares me...
Y-yeah, I was just about to... *moves towards beacon*
*pushes Felix back with energy* YOU. SHALL NOT. PASS!
But we're trying to save the world!
I see. The Wise One is evil. Under these circumstances, it is clear we must fight him.
Wait, what?
We must light the lighthouses or Gaia Falls will erode Weyard completely!
You have all learned far too much.
Yeah. I learned far too much the time I saw Kraden naked by accident.
That actually sounds funny when I'm high...
Well, don't go sharing such information with us!
Are we going to have to fight the scary looking rock then?
Looks like we have no choice. It doesn't want us to save the world.
Wait a minute! Now guess who has also learned far too much and is ascending Mt. Aleph to steal Alchemy? He knows a lot more than any of you do. He knows that the Golden Sun will form-
So that's where the game's name comes from!
Garet! No breaking the fourth wall!
Ahem. He knows it will form on top of Mt. Aleph when all four beacons are lit and the Stone of Stages will appear.
You've told us it's a he already.
I don't care! Go ahead and guess!
It's probably that bastard Alex. He's evil! EEEEEVIIIILLLLL!
He is not! He may be a bit annoying, but he is sexy, charming, and aloof in a sexy way... and that hair! There's no way he is evil-
Correct, Mia.
Can we just save the world already?!
There's no way it's Alex, you lying rock! He is handsome, suave and would absolutely never try to steal Alchemy, you piece of-
Sorry, it must be the other guy named Alex with long, blue hair who wears purple clothes then.
... ... ...
*sigh* Can we please get the lighthouse lit now?
No, because I'm summoning a three-headed dragon. Have fun. *disappears*
Why are you using the parents' face icons?!
Because I can.
You mean you are too lazy to find and use the Doom Dragon sprite.
SCREW YOU. *leaves*
Guys, this is it! The final battle! Let's try and do this without screwing it up.


Blargh. *all almost dead*
The Wise One really is evil.
... This is... ridiculous...
I knew what I was doing the moment I raised my sword.
That's it?!
Isaac, your father is lying there almost dead and that's all you can say? You haven't even seen him in three years, those which you thought him actually dead!
What is wrong with you, Isaac?
That Wise One, he is evil incarnate. How could he do this to everyone? Has he no idea of the damage done to someone who kills their own parents?
How terrible... for them to lose their parents like this... ._.
I am a robot.
I cannot feel any emotion. I cannot get angry, or laugh, or cry... I can't even... love...
But... but... *teary eyes* I love you, Isaac. Does that mean... you can't even return my feelings? *kisses him passionately*
I really hope this is just a weird drug trip...
No. I felt nothing just now.
Then... then... there is no point... to... living... *commits seppuku*
For crying out loud! What are you...?!
...! No... Mia... Mia! *cradles her* Mia... why?!
I can't go on... without your love... *dies*
No... Miaaaaaaa! *tear falls, head crackles and suddenly explodes, then melts*
I guess he really was a robot then.
Yeah, only a robot would seem absolutely incapable of crying over the dying father they had lost for three years.
*lights lighthouse* I'm sick of listening to all this rubbish.
Hey! Check this out! I'm talking to you all from far away!
Oh great, now the drugs are making me hear voices in my head.
Hama... sister... hey, why did the spelling of your name change anyway?
I don't know! Uh, oh yeah, it's dangerous and stuff so get away as soon as you can. The Wise One told me it would be very dangerous.
Eh? The Wise One is saying that stuff? I thought he was evil or something.
Looks like we'd better get out of here... Heck of a lot of bodies to drag back though...
We could just drop them down the lighthouse and pick them up down there?
Uh... let's just carry them back somehow...

*Everyone somehow returns to Prox, chats a bit then prepares to leave*

Yay! I am alive!
I don't know whether to be happy my parents are alive or sad that Kraden isn't dead.
No... Isaac is still dead because he was a robot after all and I'm alive. THIS SUCKS.
Geez, Mia! This isn't some bad clich├ęd Mudshipping fic! Get the heck over it!
Let's go back to Vale now...

*Everyone goes back to Vale*

You live in a sunken village?
I can't say it looks impressive...
... It wasn't always like that...
Is everyone dead? ;_; My family...
Aww, poor baby...
How could you say that to Garet?! *fries Sheba*
Hey, we're actually alive too!
Oh... she was just teasing? Crap. >_>
Oh, Kyle. Welcome home.
This is the first time you've seen me in the three years you thought I was dead and all you can say is "Welcome home"?
Yes. I am a robot.
*crawls up* Where's Isaac? I've come to get the Golden Sun off him after somehow surviving the collapse of that mountain.
He's dead! *bawls*
Uh... so both Dora and Isaac are robots? o_o
... Now how do I get it...?
None of this makes any damn sense anymore...


Back to Bloopers page